Complacency
I’m sitting in a trailer in Penticton. I really should be studying but my motivation is in the toilet. In some senses, I feel like I’ve prematurely given up on this elective. It is difficult to carry on bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when you feel like you’ve just been hit repeatedly over the head with questions that you have no idea how to answer. These questions are simple, but the demoralization that has built up from the first 10 or so and your total failure to answer them just seem to compound, one on top of another, until the feeling of utter inadequacy and total stupidity completely crush any sense of confidence you may have had. This has been the last week and a half and I am angry at myself. So angry. I should be acing this.
Truth be told, I have let myself become too complacent. WWDD? (D not being a deity, but a smart R2). He would read. He would pick himself up I suppose, and get to it. This is what I have been trying to do, but it’s not working. I have established my reputation as stupid, and there’s little else I can do to reverse it. Is this true? It can’t be. There is always room for a second chance. Maybe? I only have 3 days left, and believe it or not pulling all nighters with Miller’s isn’t going to help. I don’t know what I can do anymore but feel burnt out and ride out the rest of the week without really trying that hard. Maybe I should wait for Halifax. Maybe then…
Motivation. Come back to me. Please…
